Repairs Are Life Jackets

“Repairs are the ‘life jackets’ of all relationships. Their effectiveness determines whether a relationship will live or die.” -John Gottman

All relationships have their disagreements. But people who are successful in their relationships practice the art of repairs! Gottman describes a repair attempt as “any statement or action – silly or otherwise – that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” Couples who are “Masters” unlike couples who are “Disasters” practice repairs early and often.

‍

A few years ago my husband and I attempted to take a canoe down the Russian River. Neither of us were adept at rowing, however, initially it looked like it would be a simple venture. Little did we know how important it would be to know something about rowing; instead we struggled with the strong currents that were determined to drive us into low-hanging trees. Towards the end of the day we became irritated with each other as it was growing dark and we were cold, wet, and tired. We found ourselves blaming each other for the parts of the day that went wrong. Tensions began to rise and I knew it was time to make a repair or suffer on the long car ride home. One of my favorite repairs is to ask if I can have a ‘do-over’. So, I stopped, took a deep breath, and asked my husband if I could have a do-over. He agreed and I began to appreciate the things he did throughout the day and began to laugh about our misfortune of not knowing how to manage the canoe. This repair action changed the course of the evening. We still smile when we think about this day and now remember the good parts of the day.